One great thing about this new age, is that more and more therapeutic techniques and practices are getting mainstream. With more people being open to going to therapy people are more aware of the tactics that are taught within the therapeutic relationship. One of those tactics for example, is the use of "I" statements. This is a great practice because it prevents people from using inflammatory statements like "you always" or "you never". Statements like these often are often made by one partner with the intention to express how they feel, but the other partner hears it only as an attack on them. They often don't gain clarity from statements like these, but instead find themselves getting defensive and offended- never a good thing; so insert - "I" statements.
While it takes some practice to really get this practice down, I highly encourage people to use this tactic. I have even encouraged couples I have worked with to use this practice because it helps facilitate conversation and keep the attacks at bay. However, in my past work, I have also seen how sometimes when not used properly these "I" statements can still be inflammatory. Below are a few ways I have seen "I" statements turn into aggressive (or passive aggressive) statements:
Now that we talked about how "I" statements could go wrong. You know I won't leave you hanging, I gotta give you some tips to help you out. Below are a healthier way of communicating the four statements above. CORRECTED "I" Statements
Wishing you happy and healthy relationships, Leilani
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